Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Boy mothering
I am the mother of two sons, almost 3 and almost 5 (I didn’t plan well – I have 2 birthdays, a wedding anniversary and Christmas all in the next 3 months). #familyplanningfail
When I was younger and hubby and child-free I always wanted three children – two boys then a girl. I actually didn’t much focus on the husband aspect, given that I always knew it was easier to fall pregnant than to find a male to want to spend the rest of my life with. Fortunately for all involved I found one (in hindsight single-motherhood is not something to opt into if given a choice). I imagined that the two older boys would be the protector of their younger sister – pseudo-bodyguards of a sort.
So life goes on, meet lovely man, fall pregnant, have son, get married, fall pregnant, have another son. Second son not a sleeper, little high maintenance and within 6-8 weeks I turn to husband and say ‘you need a referral to a surgeon, get that thing snipped – we are not going again’.
There was NO argument.
And I wonder sometimes how I’d cope with a third child (answer: I would but probably not well) and especially a girl. I’ve been a girl. It’s tough. I’m glad I don’t have to raise one. In wanting sons perhaps I remain blissfully ignorant about what it takes to raise boys. I probably thought it was a little like husbands and dogs – keep them fed and rub their tummy occasionally.
Whatever awaits me, I know it isn’t as easy as that – I’ve read Steve Biddulph’s ‘Manhood’ (and there is another book about raising sons given to me by my mother-in-law somewhere – she must think I need the help). I have the usual fears about boys and their increased penchant for risk – fast cars, faster women but overall I am loving the boy mothering. Here’s why:
• I’m the special one in our family. The only one without a ‘doodle’. Thankfully they haven’t asked for a name for what I do have, they just point at my absence (I could write a whole feminist essay on this quoting all the relevant French theorists, but I can’t be arsed). I am the ‘other’ but am happy with it in this instance.
• I get to show them and teach them about the right way to treat women. Politely and respectfully. I will soon teach them that diamonds are the answer to every problem.
• They like being physical – running, jumping, lifting, wrestling, playing in mud – they make full use of the bodies they are given and are sensible risk takers.
• They’re extremely happy in their own skin. Mostly naked. Sadly most of the funny things they do is when they’re naked which means I can’t share it with their family over the www because one or the other of us could be arrested.
• They have good imaginations – they ‘fish’ off the top of the rainwater tank – not into the tank which is fully enclosed, please don’t send DOCS.
• They don’t panic or get too frightened of anything. The other month our property caught fire, slowly moving up the hill. While the Rural Fire Service put out the fire, my boys were demanding crumpets with honey and the making of a Thomas the Tank Engine track. If two fire trucks and 8 firefighters don’t get their attention I’m not sure what will. But we don’t have any nightmares.
• They’re just as happy to get a $2 Hot Wheels car as anything else. Cheaper and healthier than lollies – although slightly more difficult to pass through the digestive system
• They like to ‘help’. No #1 son thinks he’s old enough to work the microwave and the electric frying pan. No #2 son thinks he has the knife skills of a Japanese Tepanyaki chef. However, he also loves to clean the toilet with the toilet brush (score 1 for Mum!). Turns out Toilet Duck isn’t a childproof bottle.
For all the arguments, roughing up and aggressiveness that can sometimes be the life of boys, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Seeing the gentleness of my boys with each other and with their friends, and for all the cuddles, kisses and raspberries on my tummy – for all this I am a grateful boy-mother.
When I was younger and hubby and child-free I always wanted three children – two boys then a girl. I actually didn’t much focus on the husband aspect, given that I always knew it was easier to fall pregnant than to find a male to want to spend the rest of my life with. Fortunately for all involved I found one (in hindsight single-motherhood is not something to opt into if given a choice). I imagined that the two older boys would be the protector of their younger sister – pseudo-bodyguards of a sort.
So life goes on, meet lovely man, fall pregnant, have son, get married, fall pregnant, have another son. Second son not a sleeper, little high maintenance and within 6-8 weeks I turn to husband and say ‘you need a referral to a surgeon, get that thing snipped – we are not going again’.
There was NO argument.
And I wonder sometimes how I’d cope with a third child (answer: I would but probably not well) and especially a girl. I’ve been a girl. It’s tough. I’m glad I don’t have to raise one. In wanting sons perhaps I remain blissfully ignorant about what it takes to raise boys. I probably thought it was a little like husbands and dogs – keep them fed and rub their tummy occasionally.
Whatever awaits me, I know it isn’t as easy as that – I’ve read Steve Biddulph’s ‘Manhood’ (and there is another book about raising sons given to me by my mother-in-law somewhere – she must think I need the help). I have the usual fears about boys and their increased penchant for risk – fast cars, faster women but overall I am loving the boy mothering. Here’s why:
• I’m the special one in our family. The only one without a ‘doodle’. Thankfully they haven’t asked for a name for what I do have, they just point at my absence (I could write a whole feminist essay on this quoting all the relevant French theorists, but I can’t be arsed). I am the ‘other’ but am happy with it in this instance.
• I get to show them and teach them about the right way to treat women. Politely and respectfully. I will soon teach them that diamonds are the answer to every problem.
• They like being physical – running, jumping, lifting, wrestling, playing in mud – they make full use of the bodies they are given and are sensible risk takers.
• They’re extremely happy in their own skin. Mostly naked. Sadly most of the funny things they do is when they’re naked which means I can’t share it with their family over the www because one or the other of us could be arrested.
• They have good imaginations – they ‘fish’ off the top of the rainwater tank – not into the tank which is fully enclosed, please don’t send DOCS.
• They don’t panic or get too frightened of anything. The other month our property caught fire, slowly moving up the hill. While the Rural Fire Service put out the fire, my boys were demanding crumpets with honey and the making of a Thomas the Tank Engine track. If two fire trucks and 8 firefighters don’t get their attention I’m not sure what will. But we don’t have any nightmares.
• They’re just as happy to get a $2 Hot Wheels car as anything else. Cheaper and healthier than lollies – although slightly more difficult to pass through the digestive system
• They like to ‘help’. No #1 son thinks he’s old enough to work the microwave and the electric frying pan. No #2 son thinks he has the knife skills of a Japanese Tepanyaki chef. However, he also loves to clean the toilet with the toilet brush (score 1 for Mum!). Turns out Toilet Duck isn’t a childproof bottle.
For all the arguments, roughing up and aggressiveness that can sometimes be the life of boys, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Seeing the gentleness of my boys with each other and with their friends, and for all the cuddles, kisses and raspberries on my tummy – for all this I am a grateful boy-mother.
Bestill my beating grey matter... *soulswoon*
These two glorious brains are lingering around my bedroom in various states of read-iness. Hard too... http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=Weycaui6Do0&feature=related.
And if anyone wants to parent my children for a few months I'll get all this reading done.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Who the hell is Hooli?
Who am I? Well, without getting all existential on yo ass (channelling Kanye West, how odd), these are a few random things about me...
- I live on a hill but you probably guessed that. It is a hill in Central Qld. It is steep. Have not yet been stupid enough to try to climb it.
- I live on said hill with a husband (mine) and two sons (both ours).
- We all live in a 9 x 6 m shed. It is a shed with 1.5 bedrooms, a kitchen and a bathroom. It has airconditioning. It is not a hovel. It is lovely.
- One day we will build. Until then we live in the shed. Some people minimise to simplify their life. We minimised by necessity. Its fabulous. Divesting of unnecessary stuff feels good, especially if it can be used by others.
- Three of the four inhabitants of this small space are alpha males.
- I'm thankful for Lenore Skenazy http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/ because now I can re-badge my kids as 'free range' rather than feral
- My kids' feet are 'tough as old boots'. They don't 'do' shoes. Sometimes they do clothes. We live rurally - no one to see :)
- for me buying clothes from a posh shop is buying them at Target as opposed to Big W or the Salvos
- I couldn't live without... a book on the shelf next to the toilet. If I'm sittin' I'm readin'.
- I absolutely detest being read to. I inadvertently reserved an audiobook from the library last week and freaked out. Librarian said they're good for going on walks. That would mean I'd have to climb the hill. I said thanks, but no thanks. My inability to listen and absorb story and walk without falling notwithstanding.
- I adore Stephen Fry and would not kick him out of bed, even if he had the misfortune to fall into it (he is gay after all and probably would rather not share the bed with heterosexual me). I'd even let him read to me.
- I'd like to achieve more in my day than getting four loads of laundry washed and dried, although it is no mean feat in a wet Central Qld summer.
- I don't do clothes dryers. I will do 3 clothes horses and a long piece of string strung up under the verandah. Will have my knickers on display if it saves the earth.
- despite the fact I live on a hill and occasionally sit cross-legged, that is where the resemblance to any sage or prophet ends
- is glad the neighbour's dog is a frequent visitor. It delays the boys asking for a dog of their own. Its like having grandchildren. Play with it then send it home to eat, crap etc.
- I used to like ironing, once. Before I had a hubby with more business shirts than is humanly necessary
- is entirely unsure why my husband suggested to my boys that I could darn the holes in their socks. A) a lie B) buy new socks C) not been done in the last 30 years.
- likes that you can disguise laziness as 'instilling an independent spirit and self-sufficiency in my children'
- is so lapsed a Catholic that I could be said to be prolapsed
- we named our two sons after kings. I don't recommend it. It gives them ideas above their station
- I love 'Grand Designs' as much as I love Kevin McCloud
- Englishmen are my default position (phew, hubby has English mum). I blame Jane Austen, and Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice
- has been searching for something and recently realised I already have it or am it. I've decided to stop making the simple, complex. I live the simple life others crave. I should just shut up and enjoy it.
So that's a bit about me. Hopefully I'll write a bit more about me. You can read if it you'd like.
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